Lonely, lonely loneliness. Hehehe, all of us must have experienced this before in varying degrees. Most people live with it all of their lives, while some do not, become very depressed and end it all. Loneliness I believe, can occur at any stage of life. Which one are you? Definitely not 1 and 2 though LOLLOL.
- the toddler with no siblings
- the little child with no friends to play with when he’s angry,
- the teenager who’s experiencing a self-discovery crisis,
- the working adult who seems to have a lot of communication at work but no real friends to hang out with over the weekend,
- the married person who has a family but feels so lonely in his battle to raise the family,
- the ageing figure whose children have already grown up and who does not quite get along with the spouse,
- the elderly one whose spouse has already passed on and whose children only visit during the weekends or once in a long while
The list goes on. Do you have your own version? I would love to know. I’ve definitely gone through the phases of 3, 4 and 5. It’s terrible, like you somehow speak to a lot of people on a daily basis, but at the end of the day and during the weekends, you’re really just alone. A loner that is, and the cycle repeats week in week out. I think this really has a lot to do with my introverted personality. At work, I seem like the person who is very communicative but deep down I just really want to recharge over the weekends.
Before I got married, there used to be visits to my grandma’s place. I told myself that I would keep her company as much as possible, especially after my 3rd Aunt died. Yeh it sounds strange because somehow society tends to view anti-social behaviour negatively. I remember colleagues reacting with amazement and disbelief at the same time, when they found out that my weekend routine was spending time with my grandma. So this went on until I got married, and moved overseas to join my spouse in her country. Tough decision but at that time, my 1st Aunt was still alive and could visit her regularly.
Now my grandma is based in an elderly home (a long, long story); maybe this in a future blog post. One of my best family memories were weekend visits to my grandma’s home, with my 1st and 3rd Aunts also present. Having 4th Aunt would be great too, but she had already moved to the US with her husband many years ago. 1st and 3rd Aunts eventually passed away due to illness. Those images…..sounds of chatting and laughter with them still resonate in my head. I miss them so much, though perhaps this for another blog post another time.
Recently, a number of videos on loneliness popped up in my YouTube feed. Strange indeed as I did not search for anything even remotely related to this topic. So I clicked on this video of a 31 year old man crying to himself and saying how he had been terribly lonely, but eventually found salvation in a community. Good for him. I was really sceptical watching the video at first, but as I watched on, I could really feel his anguish. It just hit a raw nerve of mine, like you know…..this is real. It’s not faking. And then more of such videos came up and I was like, hey I’m not alone (pun intended) hahaha! Here’s one from a sweet young girl. Another one here from a supposedly good looking hunk.
Behind all that glamorous facade of social media, are people who have their own unique set of life troubles.
They look really normal right? I mean why wouldn’t they think they have friends? But these things happen. Behind all that glamorous facade of social media, are people who have their own unique set of life troubles. This is one reason why I tend to avoid facebook, instagram or twitter. I mean, I do have accounts there but I don’t post. People only want you to see the good side of them. They somehow want people to feel envious of them in order to elevate their own sense of pride and esteem. This by itself, is a dangerous and self-fulfilling vicious cycle. It never ends as we Chinese always say: “There’s always a higher mountain somewhere.”
Ever since I got married, I have somehow detached from my usual circles of friends too. Maybe it’s because I have grown tired of social anxiety. Maybe it’s because I think ‘ok, I have my own family now and that’s all that matters’. Maybe it’s because I have stayed overseas for too long and somehow our lives have charted their own course. Maybe it’s just lame excuses LOL, I’m just being lame and lazy. Whatever it is, I have a wonderful wife and two kids. My in-laws are wonderful human beings too. I can’t ask for more here. On the other hand, if touch wood, shit were to happen and I am no longer with my wife, I wonder what left would I have in life. I didn’t spend time to maintain friendships, and how dare I go back to these friends when I need them. That would be a major life reset, wouldn’t it?
Loneliness is somehow like a soul mate. He or she will never be too far away from you. It will creep up beside you when you least expect.
Loneliness is somehow like a soul mate. He or she will never be too far away from you. It will creep up beside you when you least expect. Maybe family and friends will frequently overshadow this sense of loneliness, but in your own private moments, it will somehow always come up again. In fact, it may even be present when you are in a group setting, like somehow what goes on around you does not really matter as you are alone in your own thoughts, in your own world.
If you really struggle badly with loneliness, do remember to love yourself and take care of your mental well-being first and foremost. Seek help. Talk to someone. Step of your comfort zone. Sometimes, taking care of ourselves and keeping our spirits up is important if you love the people around you too. You can check out some suggestions HERE and HERE on the internet, ones which I found helpful. If you want to wallow in your own solitude and misery, go ahead too. Do what works best for you, but remember to step out at some point of time, alright? Good luck!